Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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