Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
