uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
