The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
