Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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