then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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