just tell him i said nine months
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
