He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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