I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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