dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
