Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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