Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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