I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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