even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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