According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
