His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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