i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
