Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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