You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
