The maid of honor just puked.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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