I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
