so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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