Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
