dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
