you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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