bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
