Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
