he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She is in my trunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
