my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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