dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
