I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
