I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
