what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
