Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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