It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
