anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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