a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
