the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
