I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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