I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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