his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
