I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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