Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Houston, we have a blender
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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