My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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