Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
