I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
