kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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