i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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