I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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