Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am available for nakedness
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
