You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
