I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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